On Visibility

The push and pull of wanting to be seen

Are you the best-kept secret?
You wish people knew about your amazing work—but at the same time, you feel exposed when they do?

You’re not alone.

Growing up, I was taught to stay humble, keep my head down, and not outshine others. This value became deeply ingrained in me.

Even as I topped my classes, I sat in this strange middle ground—wanting praise but feeling uncomfortable being known.

Not bringing attention to myself made it easier to fit in. When people didn’t know about my achievements, they treated me like everyone else. No one felt threatened.

This became one of my biggest strengths: making people feel comfortable. I wanted others to feel safe, to know it was okay not to know something. I met them where they were. I listened. I helped them feel seen.

But when people did find out about my achievements, everything changed.

Some people were supportive and proud of me—but others? They stopped talking to me. They got quiet, or jealous, or told me my work was nothing special. That I didn’t deserve the praise. That I was bragging.

Eventually, it didn’t feel okay to talk about my work at all. So I stayed quiet and let my work speak for itself.

But when I started working, that approach didn’t serve me so well.

Despite the quality of my work, the same feedback kept showing up:

“I wish Amy would speak up more.”
“Amy needs to be more assertive in meetings.”
“Our team would be stronger if Amy’s voice was heard more.”

None of this surprised me—I had built a way of being that prioritized helping others feel seen, not myself. But now I was wondering:

Do I need to be more visible?
And how do I unlearn what’s shaped me for so long?

It was hard. I didn’t know what “speaking up” even meant.

In school, I was the quiet studier. Tests were my way of speaking. Projects were where I shone. This was how I’d always shown up.

So what does speaking up look like now?

I leaned into my strength as a listener and observer. I tuned into conversations, noticed dynamics, and looked for thoughtful ways to add value. But it was still hard.

I often waited politely for my turn, only to have someone say what I was thinking before I had the chance.

There never seems to be a natural pause.

I rarely spoke unless it was my turn, or I had the floor. I wasn’t the loud voice in the room.

Eventually, I put myself in a more visible role.

I wanted to lead. And leaders need to speak.

Running meetings meant I had to start the conversation. I leaned into leadership opportunities wherever I could find them.

I got rejected—often because I didn’t fit the mold—but I kept going. I found places where I could lead in my own way.

I started getting more visible. I was being seen.

Feedback about speaking up no longer dominated my performance reviews. I had found my footing.

I had built a new relationship with visibility—and it started to feel more natural.

One moment that stands out was when I advocated for one of my team members to receive a spotlight award. I had watched him grow so much and consistently produce incredible work.

When I shared his impact with my manager and senior manager, their first reaction was:

“Wow—I didn’t know he did so much great work.”

That moment reminded me just how powerful visibility can be.

Being the voice for someone who may not yet have the space to speak for themselves—it felt empowering.

I also reframed what visibility meant—especially as a leader.

Being visible isn’t just about me.
It meant helping my team be seen.
It meant speaking up for them.
Lining them up for meaningful work.
Fighting for what they need when they can’t speak for themselves.

That gave me comfort.
It made visibility feel purposeful, like service—not self-promotion.

To show up is to respect the people you support.
To speak is to honor the work you’ve done.

Now, as I build my business, this fear—and desire—of being seen shows up again.

I’m still figuring out how I want to be seen—how to honor those who support me, the clients who trust me, and the people who may need to hear from me.

So I’m experimenting.
I’m trying to find an authentic voice, one small step at a time.

How about you?
How do you want to show up in the spotlight—to honor yourself and those who believe in you?